oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.