I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.