Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever

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(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever http://tfl.nu/peni

Replies (23) Good night (2212) Bad night (509)
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(310): View more from California

just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.

(310): View more from California

now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!

(310): View more from California

whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?

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(310): just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy. (310):now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!! (310):whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea? http://tfl.nu/30gl

Replies (9) Good night (632) Bad night (4664)
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(708): View more from Illinois

sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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(708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7

Replies (25) Good night (10698) Bad night (1364)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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(709): the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table. http://tfl.nu/ak9q

Replies (5) Good night (2823) Bad night (1086)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.

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(606): I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped. http://tfl.nu/y7kh

Replies (14) Good night (883) Bad night (3652)
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(804): View more from Virginia

my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2

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(804): my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2 http://tfl.nu/hna9

Replies (9) Good night (1498) Bad night (2992)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.

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(608): you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude. http://tfl.nu/1uv4

Replies (5) Good night (2465) Bad night (846)
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(408): View more from California

By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.

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(408): By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going. http://tfl.nu/xmei

Replies (6) Good night (904) Bad night (1771)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

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(918): I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home http://tfl.nu/noo6

Replies (12) Good night (3465) Bad night (828)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.

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(262): Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy. http://tfl.nu/dejh

Replies (7) Good night (1761) Bad night (888)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them

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(970): I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them http://tfl.nu/6llp

Replies (9) Good night (1715) Bad night (435)
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(417): View more from Missouri

New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.

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(417): New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel. http://tfl.nu/qpdx

Replies (9) Good night (2306) Bad night (493)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?

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(314): Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him? http://tfl.nu/mvm1

Replies (12) Good night (544) Bad night (385)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...

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(617): A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain... http://tfl.nu/gy86

Replies (4) Good night (1112) Bad night (419)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?

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(706): I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get? http://tfl.nu/m9m9

Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (287)

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