Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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