Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.