The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.