If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.