smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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