I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
