I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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