just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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