i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He? As in you personified your dick?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
