so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
