you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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