I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
