I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize