my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
