Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
