ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize