like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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