Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
