Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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