cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
