a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
