Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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