thus making me awesome and them whores
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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