Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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