I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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