he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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