evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
