so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
