this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
