New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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