I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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