Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
