when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
