At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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