It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
