The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
