OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Panties = found
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
