I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You smell like stripper and shame
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
