she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sext me about skeletons
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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