conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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