I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
