I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
