So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
