She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
