So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
