Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize