whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
