I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
