I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
