The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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