I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
