I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drake has all the answers
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
