ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you never un-have a 4some
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
