Soap is not a condiment
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
