Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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