this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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