No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
