The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
