this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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