I cannot find my penis.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
