my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
