we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
