If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
