every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
