worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize