i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
