my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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