he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
