the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
