Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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