the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
