I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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