i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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