he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
