My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
