He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
